HEALTH

I’ve really loved maintaining my blog, and I love hearing from people that they are reading it and keeping up with me through it. But I’ve also felt at times that I just don’t have anything new to talk about and sometimes even when I come up with something, it’s not so interesting. So in an effort to try to maintain some newness for all of you (and since you know I am so shy about sharing my opinion or thoughts), I’ve decided to try something a little different. I made a list of words – all different kinds and connotations – and when I’m struggling for something new to post about, I’ll just post some thoughts about each word. Ok, so it may be a little cheesy. But it could be kind of interesting, and well, if you don’t like it then don’t read it! But you know you will…

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Health
Health can mean so many different things to different people. To some it is a matter of CHOOSING health. Like eating well and exercising (some of my latest and newest focuses). Maybe health isn’t even given much thought to these people – it’s just a way of their life. Or maybe they have struggled in the past, and they’ve given a great deal of thought – making the choice to be healthy all that more significant. For so long, I was NOT one of these people. I was always a petite person, active without being involved in any particular sports or activities and healthy without having to try. I did things like swimming, bike riding, playing outside – not because I was “being healthy”, but because that was how we had fun. But of course, as I’ve gotten older that balance shifted and I’ve had to learn how to make myself be active through exercise, and develop healthier eating habits. It hasn’t been easy, but very rewarding.

To others, health is not at all a choice – it is decided for you. Some people take it for granted. I WAS one of these people. Until this past year, of course. Being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease has been a very interesting experience for me, for so many reasons. First of all, it reminded me, (I say remind, because it didn’t teach – I already knew), what it means to have support. It’s one thing to know that your family will always be there for you, it’s another thing to feel and live it. When they run, and drive, and fly as quickly as they can to be by your side. When they won’t leave your side (even in you want them to). When they can sense and know that something is wrong, and won’t take no for an answer when you try to kindly refuse help. When they stop their worlds to be all about you and what you need. It’s one thing to think that you have loyal friends, it another thing to have them drop everything to bring you dinner, or check on you, or be so understanding when you’ve been out of touch. It’s one thing to think that you work with nice people, and another to have them cry at your aches and pains, pick up your slack all the while having only concern for you and not the extra hours or workload you created for them, ask you a gazillion questions to be sure you are really feeling fine and not just saying it.

Being sick, for me, has been somewhat of a blessing. That’s not to say I don’t wish I was completely healthy, feeling 100% better, and not worrying that I’ll always have to deal with this. I may always have to deal with this. I may never be able to take my family on a beach vacation because I can’t be in the sun without having a flare up. I may never be able to have a fun filled, energy draining weekend without worrying that I’m overdoing it. I may never be able to go to lunch without having to pull out my pill dispenser. I may never have a slight feeling in my chest without wondering if I’ll have to go back up on the meds, or if fluid has built back up. But I remind myself that I can go on vacations with my family, and so many people can’t. And I can have a fun filled weekend and go places and do things I want, and many people can’t. I can go to lunch with friends, and who cares that I have to be sure to take a couple of pills when I’m done eating. And if I do get a pain in my chest, well then at least I know how to respond and I have a great repertoire of doctors to consult with and to take care of me.

Being sick has been a blessing, because I still get to live, and be relatively normal, and basically do what I want to do. And yet I do know the feeling of wondering “what if”. It makes me so much more appreciative of the life I have. It makes me feel grateful – for family and friends. It makes me feel like I’ve experienced something that makes me stronger. And it’s not like I’ve beat cancer, or cheated death. I’ve not had to experience anything as awful and scary as that. But I do know uncertainty, and what it’s like to be scared, and completely out of control, and then relieved, and basically healthy.